The “Greatest” “Show” on “Earth”

Aside

People are always curious about hair shows that we attend. The way that they even ask the question like, “Oooh, what’s it like?” alerts me to the fact that they are imagining it like Fashion Week or some kind of amazing Carnival of aesthetic grace, grandeur and amazingness. Like a Victorias Secret cat walk is happening everywhere, being led by Bob Dylan (remember that? Wtf??). It’s always a bit painful to think that you’re about to crush their image with a cold dose of reality. “Have you been to Vegas? Yeah, well, it’s like Vegas. Did you want your fringe rounded?”.  Im not talking Bellagio Vegas with tickets to Rain and Celine. I’m talking Circus Circus Vegas with tickets to Thunder Down Under and Brittney (no complaints here!). When I go to a hair show I feel like that commercial in the 70’s where the American Indian is looking at the litter the white folks have spread everywhere and sheds a tear of real and deep sadness at the fate of the earth. Well, that’s me. I’m like, “These are my people! These are my people? Uh oh”.

The Vegas metaphor is the best one I can come up with. When I go to Vegas, I have to prepare, talk myself into it. Vegas can be great or horrible, depending on your perspective and what you choose to see or not see.  You can easily think, “Ack! Is that man not wearing pants?”, “Did I just see a little person dressed as a leprechaun pulling vodka shots at an “Irish pub?”, “Uh, is this child with anyone at the Casino? Should I call Social Services?”, “Ok, I guess I’ll just step over the throw up to get to my room”, “I think that that  80 year old woman has been at the slot machine since I went to my room 12 hours ago”. OR you can talk yourself UP, so to speak and think, “Wow, was that Charo I just saw having a latte?”, “Aw, that Roy is SO cute, even if he is disabled from a tiger attack. Now that’s passion!”, “Gosh, how in the world did they do THAT?”, “Upside down monkey fur cape? Now that’s inspiring, Liberace!”

Basically, In Vegas, you can either walk around the strip aimlessly while men hand you porn cards every 2 feet or you can have purpose, ignoring  the loudest, most obnoxious sights that are screaming “Pornography, alcoholism, bedazzling, faux hawks and Euro-jeans on men are NOT irrelevant!”. Or, like me, you can try to enjoy both for what they are. In short, you can choose to be depressed and see all the negatives or inspired and look for the fleeting and harder to find positives. I usually see the negatives, not because I am negative in nature but because I always love a good freak show and come from a family of reverse snobs. But this year, I became inspired to connect with people, just regular inspiring people and I had a great time, made friends and generally felt much better. I tried to see all the trees and not so much of the litter. But not to worry, my faithful followers (Dad), I will for sure be inserting some reality checks throughout cause I know you wouldn’t read my blog if you didn’t love a good freak show as well!

The Classics

The men at the show were really the fashion headliners, in my opinion. I was turning the corner having passed the fashion smocks that say “Keep Calm And Get Your Hair Done” when I ran into the first fellow and I was like, “Now, what in the world are you doing here?”

Uh Oh, Clean Up On Aisle 4!

I had to do this with just a bra on cause I forgot my underwear. I tried to get a pic of my self-tanning experience but I was solo and couldn't find anyone willing to take the picture. Ah, well.

I had to do this with just a bra on cause I forgot my underwear. I tried to get a pic of my self-tanning experience but I was solo and couldn’t find anyone willing to take the picture. Ah, well.Beards, Bears and Barbers, Oh My!

 

Beards, Bears and Barbers, Oh My!

Barbering is back and so is the straight male hairdresser now that being a stylist has a certain cache and it’s more accepted as a profession. Back in the day, being a hairdresser was more like, “That’s alright, honey, you can always do hair”.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…….

IMG_6614

I like to imagine these two sitting around the kitchen table one Sunday morning and she says, “Laird, I was thinking….”. “Yes, Darlene?” “Well, Laird, seeing our kids are all grown, the house is almost paid for and Ginny’s finally married and all, well, maybe it’s time. Time for us, you know, to follow our dream. Really do this. Whaddya say, Laird?” And, well, the rest is history.

The Naturals

Shout out to these ladies because I love to see natural texture and they were really bringing it, especially the first lady who’s smize was so fierce that Mr. J felt the ripple and tripped over his long toenails, wherever he was.

The Beautiful People

Hair models can be found walking around or awaiting the stage. I could really look at this all day. Pretty always wins…….. Or, on second thought, maybe I should skip that and get my teeth whitened:

awkward….you have to take this picture like, "don't worry, I'm not taking a picture of you at one of your lower moments, I'm just confounded by this damn camera. Oh good, it's fixed now. Your teeth are gonna look amazing!"

awkward….you have to take this picture like, “don’t worry, I’m not taking a picture of you at one of your lower moments, I’m just confounded by this damn camera. Oh good, it’s fixed now. Your teeth are gonna look amazing!”

 Alternatives

Say What?

Whatever these guys are selling I’m smelling it and checking the date. Now there are 4 (or more) boner killers for me: Crocs, actors, cowboy boots not on cowboys (sorry Toby, boner killer for your sister), and 14 pack abs, unless I’m doing tequila shots off them. But seriously, WHAT are they selling?

 Our hero’s, the educator’s

Now, really, I end it here because this is really why we come. For the education (if not the freak show) and thank God these educators still show up. I have been to half filled classes with Trevor Sorbie and Orlando Pita, who Lord knows had bigger fish to fry. But they still came (not that I saw them again, mind you). And while you can walk a show floor and get inspired, as I did, by just the other stylists walking around as well as the models and stage presentations, education is the reason for the season. Supporting these educators and their classes at the shows allows them to keep returning and being accessible to everyone who has saved a little bit of money. So please come and support when you can. So I want to say thanks to all the educators who keep coming around and pushing us along to something better and broader…..and I ran into just a few while I was wandering.

 

The last word……

 

Mama Mia, can this Italian lady come home with me and look at me like this all day? Jesus, who looks that loving? SHe's probably a bitch. Lol.

Mama Mia, can this Italian lady come home with me and look at me like this all day? Jesus, who looks that loving? She’s probably a bitch. Lol.