People are always curious about hair shows that we attend. The way that they even ask the question like, “Oooh, what’s it like?” alerts me to the fact that they are imagining it like Fashion Week or some kind of amazing Carnival of aesthetic grace, grandeur and amazingness. Like a Victorias Secret cat walk is happening everywhere, being led by Bob Dylan (remember that? Wtf??). It’s always a bit painful to think that you’re about to crush their image with a cold dose of reality. “Have you been to Vegas? Yeah, well, it’s like Vegas. Did you want your fringe rounded?”. Im not talking Bellagio Vegas with tickets to Rain and Celine. I’m talking Circus Circus Vegas with tickets to Thunder Down Under and Brittney (no complaints here!). When I go to a hair show I feel like that commercial in the 70’s where the American Indian is looking at the litter the white folks have spread everywhere and sheds a tear of real and deep sadness at the fate of the earth. Well, that’s me. I’m like, “These are my people! These are my people? Uh oh”.
The Vegas metaphor is the best one I can come up with. When I go to Vegas, I have to prepare, talk myself into it. Vegas can be great or horrible, depending on your perspective and what you choose to see or not see. You can easily think, “Ack! Is that man not wearing pants?”, “Did I just see a little person dressed as a leprechaun pulling vodka shots at an “Irish pub?”, “Uh, is this child with anyone at the Casino? Should I call Social Services?”, “Ok, I guess I’ll just step over the throw up to get to my room”, “I think that that 80 year old woman has been at the slot machine since I went to my room 12 hours ago”. OR you can talk yourself UP, so to speak and think, “Wow, was that Charo I just saw having a latte?”, “Aw, that Roy is SO cute, even if he is disabled from a tiger attack. Now that’s passion!”, “Gosh, how in the world did they do THAT?”, “Upside down monkey fur cape? Now that’s inspiring, Liberace!”
Basically, In Vegas, you can either walk around the strip aimlessly while men hand you porn cards every 2 feet or you can have purpose, ignoring the loudest, most obnoxious sights that are screaming “Pornography, alcoholism, bedazzling, faux hawks and Euro-jeans on men are NOT irrelevant!”. Or, like me, you can try to enjoy both for what they are. In short, you can choose to be depressed and see all the negatives or inspired and look for the fleeting and harder to find positives. I usually see the negatives, not because I am negative in nature but because I always love a good freak show and come from a family of reverse snobs. But this year, I became inspired to connect with people, just regular inspiring people and I had a great time, made friends and generally felt much better. I tried to see all the trees and not so much of the litter. But not to worry, my faithful followers (Dad), I will for sure be inserting some reality checks throughout cause I know you wouldn’t read my blog if you didn’t love a good freak show as well!
The men at the show were really the fashion headliners, in my opinion. I was turning the corner having passed the fashion smocks that say “Keep Calm And Get Your Hair Done” when I ran into the first fellow and I was like, “Now, what in the world are you doing here?”
Uh Oh, Clean Up On Aisle 4!
Beards, Bears and Barbers, Oh My!
Barbering is back and so is the straight male hairdresser now that being a stylist has a certain cache and it’s more accepted as a profession. Back in the day, being a hairdresser was more like, “That’s alright, honey, you can always do hair”.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch…….
Shout out to these ladies because I love to see natural texture and they were really bringing it, especially the first lady who’s smize was so fierce that Mr. J felt the ripple and tripped over his long toenails, wherever he was.
The Beautiful People
Hair models can be found walking around or awaiting the stage. I could really look at this all day. Pretty always wins…….. Or, on second thought, maybe I should skip that and get my teeth whitened:
Whatever these guys are selling I’m smelling it and checking the date. Now there are 4 (or more) boner killers for me: Crocs, actors, cowboy boots not on cowboys (sorry Toby, boner killer for your sister), and 14 pack abs, unless I’m doing tequila shots off them. But seriously, WHAT are they selling?
Our hero’s, the educator’s
Now, really, I end it here because this is really why we come. For the education (if not the freak show) and thank God these educators still show up. I have been to half filled classes with Trevor Sorbie and Orlando Pita, who Lord knows had bigger fish to fry. But they still came (not that I saw them again, mind you). And while you can walk a show floor and get inspired, as I did, by just the other stylists walking around as well as the models and stage presentations, education is the reason for the season. Supporting these educators and their classes at the shows allows them to keep returning and being accessible to everyone who has saved a little bit of money. So please come and support when you can. So I want to say thanks to all the educators who keep coming around and pushing us along to something better and broader…..and I ran into just a few while I was wandering.
The last word……
The down side of owning a business is that you are never off of work. I spend most of my nights falling asleep to struggles, accomplishments, to-do’s, funny stories, financials, things to be fixed and anything else that’s on my plate that day or the next 50 years. I will wake up at 2 in the morning in a cold sweet remembering that I had forgotten that 12:30 clients cup of coffee with 3 creams having left it in the microwave not to be discovered until tomorrow (note to self: get coffee out of microwave first thing before you pull it out later believing it to be your coffee that you’ve microwaved 6 times that day and microwaving it again and actually drinking it) or that I forgot to email the name of a repair man that a client asked for or, like 3am this morning, I write and rewrite responses (in my head) to random emails I get throughout the day. A client recently asked me if I ever got prison mail (by the way, apparently some inmates will see your picture on a web site and just write to you based on your appearance which seems quite promising for the singles! A great addition to ChristianSingles.com or Match.com. You don’t even need to fill out that silly sheet with all your hopes dreams, weight, and height which mean nothing in the end after your potentials have judged you solely on your web pic anyway. Seems kind of the same thing with inmates but they skip all that crap and go straight to the chase. Maybe that’s how they get all the ladies. Seems refreshing, in a way). I said, “No but mine are scarier. I get job inquiries. Job inquiries from stylists still in school (I guess maybe it is kind of a similar inmate thing).
We have an area on our site that has our picture with a silly questionnaire attached which is just James Lipton’s 10 questions from Inside The Actor’s Studio. One of the questions is “what’s your favorite cuss word?” which is funny to have someone like Meryl Streep answer and it’s really just supposed to be silly and fun, especially when queried by the haughty/pretencious James Lipton himself. I have only had 2 comments about this being a question on our site. One came from a woman who found it horribly unprofessional and the other from a budding cosmetology student who wrote this:
“I looked on your website and was so happy to see the staff picking their favorite curse word. Just a few days ago we had our break room taken away because we were caught cussin’. We were told if we ever cursed in our salon we would be immediately fired. My response… I’ll never work anywhere that I can’t cuss.”
Repsonse #1 (3am):
“Whazzup and hallef*ckingluyah! Finally, someone who really gets what this friggin’ salon is all about! Cause you know what we specialize in? Color? Oh, hell to the f*ckin’ no! Razor cuts? Oh, get the f*ck out of town. Balayage? Bitch, puleeze! Everyone knows what our specialty is. We specialize in no holds barred, d*ck out of the pants, @#@ damned m@#th*f#ckin’ straight up cussin’! No advanced education necessary. You are gonna save us a bunch o’dollahs! Trouble in school just for cussin”? That sh*t is whack, dawg! Well, you are gonna get your graduate degree here, amiga. When you work here, you are gonna be all, “What kind of m*th#f*ckin color ya want?”, “How do you like your b*tch ass hair cut?” “Oh, hell to the f*ckin no, we don’t have wine. We’re out. Damn.””
Ok, i will stop here because this is a never ending response for me. It can go on for days or at least hours, as it does at 3 in the morning. I think this woman has given me tourettes of some sort.
Response #2 (4:15am):
Response #3 (4:21am as I always try to avoid 4:20, it’s just too stupid but hey, it’s always 4:20 somewhere…GAH! Tourettes’s!):
Dearest Madam, I, as the owner of this establishment, am the only one contractually permitted to curse inside of this salon and I can assure you that I only reserve it for my employees and it is never celebratory.
Response #4 (4:20am):
Hiya, Have you ever heard of the Wiener’s Circle? It’s in Chicago but hitchhiking is relatively easy these days. Please go there immediately. You don not even have to finish hair school. These are your people. My advice to any young person emailing a possible job request or actually writing a cover letter is to ask your Grandma to write it for you and send that. If you don’t have a Gramma, go to the senior center and find one, preferably (in this day and age) over 75 and somewhat well-heeled. You don’t need a hippy Gramma writing it, you need old school. Get some interview advice from them as well as any life advice they wanna dish out to you whether they’ve ever had a career outside of the home or not. Listen even if they do not have a 3 ring circus of tattoos and piercings. Listen even if you think they’re out of the loop and have never used the Good Lord’s name in vein. They will give you all the basic information for well, maybe not GETTING the job but at least not blowing it before you’ve gotten your foot in the door. They know all the good stuff like not cussin’, not chewing gum, basic introduction, how to sit patiently and look interested. Older people have knowledge that is still useful and applicable, even for you. Just find friends outside of your age range and LISTEN for JUST ONE HOLY %$&^%$^&^**$#@ second and you’ll get farther faster.
*This is similar to what I think when I’m being catcalled which has happened at least 10 times before 1988, stopping when I turned 17. I always felt like yelling back, “Yeah, come and get it! All yours! Right now, take your hat off, let’s just do it in that fork lift over there!” I have always been sure that this is the correct response that would freak them out but have never been willing to try it. But let me know if it woks for you, in whatever way that means).
How many times have I heard the sentence “just don’t make me look like (fill in the blank)”? The word “lesbian” almost always proceeds.* This statement, just to make life that much more confusing, is sometimes uttered by a lesbian which makes me wonder. It makes me wonder. Gosh, that makes me wonder. I spend a lot of time wondering, really.
First off, if you don’t want to look like a lesbian then you should probably not have sexual relations with a woman in any public area. And for God’s sake absolutely do not, under any circumstances, go out on a date with another woman and definitely do not line dance at any country western bar with another woman (assuming you are also a woman and this includes going to the Floribama (thanks for that info, Kim Mcelroy, cause I will definitely get to you in another post) which I may not go to if I were at all gay but that is up to you and how confident is your inner spirit.
But what about this phenomenon in general? I mean, Martina Navratilova’s haircut is no more lesbian than Demi Moore’s in Ghost which I consider one of the most popular-yet-yucky cuts (that’s assuming that what you mean by a lesbian cut is negative in nature which I would have to assume as you don’t want it). Actually, take Martina’s hair and put it on Demi Moore and, well, not a lesbian cut. Or should we switch Ellen Degeneres’s with Pamela Anderson’s new cut or one of Halle Berry’s short cuts. Now, which one is the lesbian cut? Now close your eyes (no peeking) cause I’m gonna switch it all around again. Now open! Ok, which one is the lesbian cut? Exactly! It’s a fucking lesbian haircut virtual shell game. Ya got it? Cause I’m about to give it away…… aaaand yes, it’s the one fondling Portia De Rossi! Damn, you are good! Ok, let’s keep going. Here’s your final test and it’s your final cause it will blow your mind like a Mensa challenge. Jared Leto’s cut vs Ellen Page of Juno fame. Just take a gander. Know the answer?! Don’t tell anyone. Just send your detailed explaination, in 5 words or less to Moshi Moshi** to be entered to win a makeover (or under) with Jenny. The winner will be drawn from thousands of entries as my Stepdad is newly retired with a lot of time on his hands, is a huge fan of my blog and needs a make-under desperately (Hi, Dad! See ya for Mardi Gras! Tell Mom to replace that gross Teflon pan before we get there cause when I cooked Sebastian scrambled eggs on it last year it had black pieces in the eggs which we had to pick out).
So, now that you have such new and evolved thinking on such matters at hand, let’s give you some more useful descriptions so that I don’t accidentally give you a Kathy Griffin (oops, she’s maybe not a lesbian, huh? Ugh! So hard sometimes). Well, you definitely don’t want that either way. So without further ado I gift you now with some appropriate terminology so you don’t get yourself in trouble:
Oh, now hold on cause you figured out the shell game, right? Yes! You are very smart. And you also guessed right on your final exam? Yes, of course. Great! Then we can cut to the chase:
Just say what the fuck you want your cut to look like and leave out all that lesbian nonsense. It’s 2014. I should also tell you that in order for our species to thrive, we will all eventually be lesbians and therefore the cutting terminology will be obsolete.
Now then, how do you want your hair cut?
*Here is the list of don’t wanna look like(s) in order of popularity with appropriate and probable inner responses from your stylist in parenthesis:
1. A Lesbian (get rid of your girlfriend)
2. A Man (stop acting like an asshole. Just kidding, guys!)
3. A Mom (leave those kids at home why dontcha)
4. “My Mom” (😦 )
5. Old (you’re not! Jeezus, 70 is like the new 40. Even Oprah said it. Just wait till you’re really old and you realize how much shit you talked about how old you were when you didn’t know what the hell you were talking about cause you were like 40. NOW you’re old. Damn.)
6. “I’m trying too hard” (Well just kill yourself now or at least save a buck and go to Cost Cutters ((I was so sorry that name was taken)). You definitely won’t look like you’re trying much at all and I’m sure you’ll feel as great as you look)!
** Please send your best answer (5 words or less) to Moshi Moshi 416 W. Franklin St. Chapel Hill, NC 27516 or email to email@example.com and put “lesbian haircut shell game” in the subject line for a chance to win a free makeover OR under with our esthetician. A winner will be chosen on March 1st, 2014. Please include your contact information. No Stepdads, please!
Moshi Moshi Golden Belt will be open for normal business hours on Friday February 14th, from 10-6.
Moshi Moshi Chapel Hill will be open from 9-8. If you have an appointment with Jenny before 12, please call 919-933-1272 or email firstname.lastname@example.org and we will find a new appointment for you, hopefully tomorrow.
Thanks and have a wonderful day!!
Moshi Moshi Chapel Hill and Durham locations will both be closed today, Thursday February 13th for a snow day! If you have an appointment today, please know that we will contact you as soon as possible and do our best to get you rescheduled in as timely a manner as we can. Please call (919) 933-1272 or email email@example.com and give us the best number to contact you today and tomorrow.
Stay warm, be safe and have a wonderful day!!
I’m at the airport in Suckramento after an amazing 4 day business seminar with Neil Ducoff and his team of Merry Men. If you have never heard of Neil Ducoff, I will describe him now in celebriterms because one of my best spiritual abilities is to be able to recognize the alter celebrity within a person. I like to think of myself as a specialist in this field. It’s a complete fallacy to think that people who do this kind of work are unable to do it on themselves, like psychics or massage therapists. Well, I’m here to tell you that that is not true for me. I, myself, know that I am an inner Rhea Perlman. But I digress. Neil Ducoff is Woody Allen. But like a better looking, emotionally stable, securer Woody Allen. Like if Woody was reasonable enough in mindset to not think that marrying his wife’s adopted daughter doesn’t count because of reasons only known to 3rd world countries where you have a duty to populate your 40 person village. Sure, she’s not your BLOOD relative so why not a assume the role of a potential suitor for a taboo love that cannot be denied? Honor it, Woody! But again, I digress. Although I will say that I can only watch Woody Allen movies retroactively. Like BEFORE he had sex with his stepdaughter (ex-wife’s daughter, ahem). I have had supporters of their relationship say that they think it means a lot that he and Soon-Yi are still together and have children and these people talk about how they they saw this documentary where they seemed so in love blah, blah, blah. Yeah, well Patty Hearst saved her captors from being caught by gunning out a window while she was in the van ALONE, allowing them to escape. And she was at least in college, fuggodssakes! Being held hostage can mean many things, ya know. I just hope one day we don’t have to watch a docudrama of their abusive relationship where an afro’d Allen is beating up Soon-Yi on a shag rug with his hand belt, making the thought of real and terrible violence against a woman ashamedly funny, like Ike and Tina in “What’s love got to do with it”. Really, that was just too much. I still feel terrible about my horrifically inappropriate giggling (not cool. At all. Ever).
Here’s the thing. Neil Ducoff, like Woody Allen, has fucking great material but unlike Woody Allen, he can deliver it without the affected nasalic quality Woody is so famous for. Neil is a genius who is dry, funny and irreverent, talented and passionate and puts his ideas right on the table with such confidence that it can make your neck hurt from nodding your head so much while he’s talking. I haven’t experienced this much spinal discomfort since I saw Metallica when I was 14. And, like Woody Allen, he has found his calling, or I should say, you just know he was born to do it. Can you imagine Woody Allen doing anything else?? Well, I can’t imagine Neil doing anything else, either. He is truly an idol of mine and he is a huge part of elevating the culture of the salon industry and, lemme tell you, we need it. The salon industry is busting at the seems with a lot of narrow minded thinking that gets passed down with nary a thought. And who is passing this small minded culture down? We are!!! Mindlessly passing down outdated and outmoded industry “standards”
that we don’t even challenge. We, as salon owners, have a responsibility to educate and elevate the people who help to create value in our companies. We have a responsibility to young stylists to give them the opportunities for education and to give them the respect of treating them as equally valuable to our company as any of our top earners. We have a responsibility to our long term stylists to create financial stability with the potential to earn more when they’ve reached their “fully booked” status, which Neil calls “being gridlocked” because once they’ve gotten there, they’ve tapped out their earning potential and are, at that point in fact LOSING clients. We have a responsibly to our clients to show them respect by providing an environment that is about them and their needs and allowing the idea that they would know the difference between mediocrity and greatness. It’s about creating a culture based on transparency, trust and accountability. And, ultimately we have a responsibility to ourselves, as salon owners, to really reach for our full potential and not run our companies asleep at the wheel, so to speak. Neil is responsible for creating a business system that allows everyone in our company to be fully a part of the company and to be rewarded for that. I also consider his approach to business and coaching to be the equivalent of a Mindfulness program for business. It creates a culture where we can no longer “coast” even when our salon is at the top. It’s about being engaged, aware, mindful, and accountable. It’s about not slacking. It’s about holding ourselves and our team to a higher standard. It’s about leading by example. Most importantly, it’s about creating a culture where the most important person in the room, the head honcho, the número uno, the Big Daddy is, well, just guess who? It’s our client! And who benefits from that? WE ALL DO! And isn’t that what it’s all about?
I encourage you, if you are an owner, manager or even a stylist to go to his site, sign up for his Monday morning wake up emails (that’s what did it for me) or purchase one of his books! The only thing you may regret is not having known about it before you got yourself into that mess! But not to worry, they can also get you out! www.strategies.com
Oh, and does anyone else think this whole town smells like marijuana (from what I can imagine it smells like when i’ve watched “Up In Smoke”. I’m more of a Black Beauties kind of lady, like that Jackie Suzanne). I was wondering if there was some medical marijuana thing going on here?? I now apologize for profiling those ponytailed Insane Clown Posse looking guys outside the lobby, assuming they must be responsible for all this herby aroma that’ been wafting through the air. Cause thinking back on it now, I think was just smelling some sort of tree I’m not used to.